Finding our way home

My Mom spent the first 60 years of her life as an Anglican. She never showed any interest in converting, but she took her promise to my dad to rear my brother and me in the Catholic faith most seriously. I still am amazed when I remember the hours she spent prompting us to learn by rote the entire Catholic belief system as contained in the old Baltimore Catechism. I swear she knew the details of Catholic dogma better than the two of us and our dad put together.

But the learning the rules and regulations never made her decide to become a Roman Catholic. We lived near Saint Joseph Parish in Erie – a neighborhood that was 99 percent Catholic. I recall the countless mornings when my Mom would bundle me up and walk me in the predawn hours to the church where I regularly served as an altar boy for early weekday Masses.She’d sit in the back of church and wait for me to finish, walk me safely back home for breakfast, and then pack me off to school. You would think the pious practices of that prayerful community might have triggered a conversion. But no.

Then there was the sheer force of the McSweeney ancestral tribe, whose Irish temperament regularly heated up the dinner table conversations with political and religious arguments that not even the pope himself could have settled. The loquacious conviction of these devout Irish could not persuade my Mom to convert.All through my days in the seminary preparing for the priesthood, she said not one word to me about converting. But at my ordination Mass, July 3, 1971, my Mom did something that she had never done before. She left the pew and walked directly to the Communion rail. For a moment, I thought she had simply been overwhelmed by the experience of seeing her son becoming a priest. When she presented herself for Holy Communion, I hesitated for a second—but she looked up at me and winked with a kind of righteous delight, whispering: “It’s OK, Tommy, I’m legal.” I was the one who was overwhelmed, as I gave my Mom her first Holy Communion as a Catholic.

G.K. Chesterton once observed, “The church is a house with a hundred gates; and no two individuals enter at exactly the same angle.” You see, my mom, quietly and with no fanfare, had taken religious instruction for the Catholic faith three months before my ordination. She kept her motivation entirely a secret. But she did write a letter to a cousin that I still treasure. She explained that during her conversion she was “not aware of anything different —I don’t feel that my faith became any stronger as far as the basic truths of the Bible are concerned,” she wrote. “I can only tell you that I felt the same happiness I feel when I come home after a long day at work. I know I am where I belong.”

The fact is, throughout her life, my mom was clearly the best Christian in the family. Perhaps the real mystery is how, one way or another, through one gate or another, we manage to find our way home.

—Msgr. Tom McSweeney is executive editor of FAITH Erie and director of the Office of Evangelization for Communications and Public Relations for the Diocese of Erie.

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Resolving rifts—you can do it!

Nations do it. Families do it. Neighbors do it. I wouldn’t be surprised if birds and bees do it. They—and we—have conflicts. Does this piece of land belong to one country or another? Will the new shelter for the homeless be built across the street from you or across town? Should the family vacation at Dad’s favorite mountain lake, that exotic beach resort Mom keeps talking about or the super-duper amusement park complex the kids are begging to visit?

Some issues are life and death. Some are everyday frictions that irritate more often than they explode. In between, you have the countless conflicts that can result when your needs, wants and values clash with someone else’s. Not everything about having a difference of opinion is bad. It can force you to re-examine your own position and introduce you to ideas you may not have considered. Unfortunately, the all-to-usual results are rifts in relationships, an escalation of bad feelings, even violence.

So is there any way you and “the other guy” can win? Yes, if you are willing to work together for a real solution. And if you realize that winning doesn’t necessarily mean getting your own way. Suggestions? See the conflict as a mutual problem to be solved. Find areas of agreement, no matter how small they are to start. Get information if you need it. List some alternative solutions. Talk things over (no shouting or making the other feel foolish). And listen carefully so that no one is misunderstood. Seek the common good, not just your own preferences. Avoid a contest of wills.

Obviously, good communication is necessary in any negotiation, which is, after all, essentially what we’re talking about. But more than that, before you can settle any differences, you have to recognize some basic needs we all share. You have a right to your feelings. So does the other person. You have a right to your say. So does the other person. You have the right to be treated with respect. So does the other person.
If you are now saying to yourself, “Oh, Monsignor Tom, get real! Even if I’m willing to do all that, my brother-in-law or whoever sure isn’t. Forget about it!”

We have to face the fact that some problems may not be solved quickly or easily. While a compromise fair to all concerned is your goal, the fact is, you may have to settle for coexisting and carrying on the best you can, at least temporarily. Sometimes, there is another choice—at least when you are dealing with someone you love. You can capitulate. You can give the gift of giving in. I don’t mean giving in out of frustration. I mean thinking things through. Then, if you decide you can be true to your values, yourself and still go along with your loved one, maybe that is the resolution.

But only if you can choose freely to be a giver, not a martyr or a doormat. And only if your relationship is built on reciprocal respect and generosity, not domination and submission. Conflict is part of life. But then again, so are consideration and compassion. As Saint Paul urged the Ephesians: “Do not let the sun go down on the cause of your anger.”

—Msgr. Tom McSweeney is executive editor of FAITH Erie and director of the Office of Evangelization for Communications and Public Relations for the Diocese of Erie.

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The spirit of receiving

True story.

Eric Sherman, a 7-year-old boy who lived in the Midwest, was blind. His family heard about an eye surgeon at a hospital in New England who had developed a new surgical technique that just might give him sight. They decided to take the chance.

Eric took his old teddy bear to the hospital with him. It had seen better days: Some of the stuffing was popping out through a broken seam, one ear had been chewed and an eye was missing. He kept his teddy bear tucked under his arm throughout his stay—even in the operating room and throughout his long convalescence.

Finally, the doctor was able to remove the bandages from the boy’s eyes and the news was wonderful. Eric could see!

The day came for the young patient to be discharged from the hospital. He was sitting on the edge of his bed, clutching his treasured teddy bear, when the eye surgeon who had restored his sight came into the room for a last visit.

Before the doctor could speak, Eric said, “Here, doctor, I want to pay you for helping me,” as he handed him the battered old teddy bear. The doctor took it without reservation. For some months after that, if you had gone to the 10th floor of the White Building at Massachusetts General, you could have seen the teddy bear.

The surgeon displayed it in a glass case in the main corridor. Under the bear, the doctor placed his professional calling card and below his name he wrote, “This is the highest fee I ever received for services rendered!”

You know what most of us would have done if we had been the doctor.

“Oh no, Eric, that teddy bear means so much to you, I really couldn’t take it from you. Thanks, anyway, but you keep it.”

But that wise and sensitive doctor accepted the child’s gift with gratitude. He allowed Eric to experience the joy of giving. You see, the joy of giving depends upon the gift of receiving.

As Christmas approaches, the spirit of giving is a common enough phrase. But rarely do we talk about the spirit of receiving. Very few people know how to receive graciously and freely. Quite often, our pride and our not wanting to feel obligated get in the way. When we say, “You shouldn’t have done it,” we often mean it.

Consequently, even while we outwardly are taking the gift, inwardly we are rejecting it. But by refusing to allow the other person to experience the joy of giving, we turn off the flow of love.

What we learn from one another about receiving affects our relationship with Christ. Christ will never leave you desolate or afraid or broken in spirit. He will comfort you. He will heal you. He will strengthen you beyond your own power—once you truly and graciously accept his gift of love and peace deep within your very being.

And then just imagine the joy—indeed the smile—on the face of Christ this Christmas!

—Msgr. Tom McSweeney is executive editor of FAITH Erie and director of the Office of Evangelization for Communications and Public Relations for the Diocese of Erie.

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The next “greatest generation”
 
What is it about the teens we celebrate in this issue of FAITH that makes them so terrific?  Read on and I’ll tell you.

First, it’s their passion. Each lives life wholeheartedly, showing energy, enthusiasm and excitement. Every day they choose to face problems with zest rather than resentment. They seem to sense that wherever they are, they can build a better world.

Then, note how they practice healthy habits and moderation. They take care of themselves physically and are aware of the strong link between a sound state of mind and a healthy body.

Next, observe how successful they are in building good relationships. They keep their cool, but never let themselves become a doormat to other’s whims or demands. In fact they will confront you when necessary, especially if they sense any phoniness or half-truths. To a person, our teens show signs of financial responsibility. They live within their means, save for the future and clearly understand that money is not the reason for living.

In terms of morality, see how they hold themselves to high standards of honesty, decency and respect for others. Especially significant to them is loyalty to their friends and family members. This clearly and vividly branches out into an active social concern for the welfare of their neighbors and community.

And the one overarching trait you’ll notice is their humility. They will be the first to tell you of their limitations as well as their abilities, and how these are balanced by a personal dependence on God.

Edifying? You bet! Here’s the next “greatest generation.” These terrific teens see a need and make a whole-hearted effort to change the problem that they see. When they are moved, then they move... and let the Lord lead them. They open their hands to be used by the Lord and he fills them. They show that their faith is alive, and that faith without works doesn’t make any sense.

It amazes me how often people tell me that they cannot do this or that. With these youth, all I hear is “I can” or “I’ll try.”  Their positive attitude teaches us that we don’t know what we can do until we become involved and stick our passion to it.

I certainly don’t want to idealize these wonderful young men and women because that sets up burdensome expectations. Nonetheless, they are true role models of Christ’s urging: “I have set you an example that you also should do as I have done to you.” (John 3:15)

Indeed. We really don’t know what we can do until we try. When we say “I can,” and then try to do whatever that endeavor is, we make room for a big God to work with us and through us. But when we try nothing, we are successful every time, and we miss seeing what the Lord can do. God bless those whose lives proclaim what the Lord can do—through us!

—Msgr. Tom McSweeney is executive editor of FAITH Erie and director of the Office of Evangelization for Communications and Public Relations for the Diocese of Erie.

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