by Ed Curtin

I always think it’s funny when little kids inaccurately pronounce part of something they learned by rote. “I pledge of legions to the flag…”  “A, b c, d, e, f, g, h, i, j, k, ella mennow pea…” to name just a couple. I suppose if you listen carefully you can also detect the same thing in the prayers that kids pray. The act of contrition comes to mind. “O my God I am heartily sorry, for having offended thee…” might typically be replaced with “O my God I am hardly sorry for having offended thee...” A simple mistake, but at closer inspection it really is quite significant, altering the essence of the prayer immeasurably.

I wonder if we don’t occasionally replace that word, silently and subconsciously, because it makes life much easier. It can be so difficult to admit that we are wrong, or to acknowledge that we have done something to separate ourselves from others and from God. It’s much easier for us to blame others or to feel we are “just being who we are” without taking full responsibility for our thoughts and actions.

We could all probably use a dose of feeling heartily sorry here and there; of becoming aware that our actions offend others, probably more deeply than we imagine. After all, that is what the act of contrition indicates. Through this prayer, we acknowledge that we have chosen wrongly, that we have separated ourselves from others, from our truest selves and from our relationship with God.

When this happens, we can feel so lost that we become even more self-centered. Instead of showing contrition, we become self-righteous. The most tragic by-product of this type of selfishness is that we have a tendency to abandon God. Thankfully, God never abandons us and is always willing to forgive.

But God’s forgiveness is greatest for us if we are heartily sorry. This requires great honesty and introspection which may ultimately demand something more: the ability to forgive ourselves as well as others. 

Let me share two stories that help illustrate the difficulty we can have in being honest, and the need to forgive.

I knew a young person who could seemingly do no wrong. All of the people around her would say the same. She was bright and polite and very mature. The problem was, this was only the perception; reality painted a much different picture. She would often criticize weaker students and pick people’s weaknesses apart in order to keep making herself look great. When these less-flattering attributes were exposed and pointed out to her, she would immediately deflect them and insist that she was actually the victim.

In short, if she were asked if she was heartily sorry for having offended another person, I think, in fairness, she could not say yes. Honesty in terms of her own shortcomings did not seem to be a major part of her life, but denial was. I think at that point in her life she was hardly sorry.

I have also known a teenager who was faced with a serious dilemma that had everything to do with forgiveness. As a young girl, she was abused by a family member.  It affected her in ways that she was unaware at first. She was unable to develop real intimacy, and often would hurt others in her relationships. She dated a great deal, but never in a healthy way. Then one day, she let her secret out.

Her dilemma was to determine how to forgive her family member and how to forgive herself for the ways this manifested itself in her relationships. With the help of some good family counseling, she and her family dealt with this painful past experience and she has now learned how to participate in very healthy relationships. This is something she never could have achieved without forgiving herself.

This young woman was able to find healing and strength with God’s grace and that is the great hope that emanates from praying the act of contrition consistently and thoughtfully.

How many times have you said the words without really stopping to think about the power they hold? The words, “With the help of your grace,” in the prayer suggest we are in a very close partnership with God in this life, and that God can provide all the grace we need to be successful.

We must remember, however, that as Dietrich Bonhoefer says, God’s grace is not cheap, it is costly. It is very easy to simply ascribe an all-forgiving character to God and to think nothing is required on our part. God is not limited in any way, but if we are truly to become more whole, we must do our part.

We ask for God’s grace to help us sin no more—no small request! While this is certainly a daunting task, it is this striving for perfection—not necessarily attaining perfection—that is at the very heart of being human. We are going to stumble, but grace helps us to bounce back up and to be wiser so as to avoid the obstacles next time. If we want to grow, there will be costs involved as we learn to make better choices and to become the best we can become.

The act of contrition challenges us in many ways. It asks us to be sorry, honest, forgiving of others and ourselves and to accept God’s grace in all of this. It is a good prayer, a prayer to be taken seriously, and a prayer, that if accepted can help us live heartily.

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