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Marriage: the place of wounded healers You may be wondering what this story has to do with marriage. The answer is simple: everything. In fact, the parable of the prodigal son is the type of story that speaks to all of us in relationships. In his book, The Process of Forgiveness (Continuum, 1996), William Meninger asks us to consider the fact that the prodigal son would not have been drawn back to his father’s house unless he had some assurance of forgiveness. Think about it: do you really believe this was the first time the son had sinned against his father? I doubt it. Yet, it is this very truth that leads us to understand this parable for what it truly is: one person’s willingness to forgive, and another’s belief that he would. Having experienced this kind of pain, would we have done the same as the father? Or, if we were the prodigal and uncertain whether we’d be forgiven, would we have returned? As married persons, we’ve all had experiences as both the prodigal and as the forgiving father. While it can be difficult to say “I’m sorry,” for some it is even more difficult to say, “I forgive you.” This takes real courage because, as Meninger reminds us, “Vulnerability is a by-product of love.” If healing begins at the moment of forgiveness, then forgiving makes us healers. Just as the prodigal’s father, let’s pray that we, too, have the courage to meet our spouse half-way. Finding your soulmate No doubt you’ve heard the familiar phrase, “the grass is always greener on the other side of the fence,” and may have even said it to yourself a few times. Of course, we know these well-worn words have little to do with lawn care and more to do with our own perceptions about life, happiness or love. Since we live in a culture that rewards prosperity and thrives on competition, it is no wonder that we are often tempted to look over our shoulder into our neighbor’s back yard to gauge our own progress. We observe people who seem to have it all: the perfect relationship, the great job, the ideal life. Soon we’re telling ourselves that everyone else is much happier; convinced that we’ll never come close to a life like theirs. If this scenario is one to which you can relate, maybe you’re looking over the wrong shoulder. Our perspective is the lens through which we view our world; but focusing only on externals and accomplishments creates an illusion that suggests we can always control what will happen from day to day. Just ask your neighbor who’s fighting cancer or the person down the street whose entire family lives out of town. Despite their desire for the perfect life, it is no secret that many things are out of our control, and life on this earth will never be perfect. Someone once said, “I asked God for all things that I might enjoy life; instead, God gave me life that I might enjoy all things.” How true! Psalm 118:24 reminds us that God creates each day as a new beginning; and that, in itself is a reason to rejoice and be glad. Preparing For ever… Marriage Preparation Opportunities for 2008 Newly engaged? Congratulations! What a wonderful time of your life! While working on the many details surrounding your wedding day, please don’t forget to call your pastor who wants to help you prepare for your marriage. The Family Life Office of the Erie Diocese offers a variety of excellent premarital seminars that will provide you and your fiancé with tools to build a successful marriage. These include Engagement Encounter, Pre-Cana and NOVA (for remarrying couples). Marriage preparation information and schedules for 2008 are available for all engaged couples through their parish priest as well as on the Family Life Web site at: http://www.eriercd.org/familylifeoffice.asp. We look forward to hearing from you. Ann Badach is the Family Life director for Catholic Charities in the Diocese of Erie Please tell us what you thought of this feature Relationships “In the fulfillment of this sacrament, the marriage of Christian man and woman is a sign of the marriage between Christ and the Church…Lord, grant that as they begin to live this sacrament they may share with each other the gifts of your love and become one in heart and mind as witnesses to your presence in their marriage…” On the day that this prayer is spoken, the lives of two people joined in marriage are changed forever. Many may not remember the words of the nuptial blessing as much as they remember the words to their vows: “for better or for worse, in sickness and in health…,” but it’s a good idea to go back and re-read this prayer from time to time. A common misconception about the sacrament of marriage is that it’s something we “get” instead of something we “give.” When this happens, many people are left without the opportunity to receive the lessons God provides through the loving mentoring of married couples. “How is this so?” you might ask. For starters, couples who are planning for marriage have a great deal to learn about this incredible vocation. How will they learn about the importance of communication, the realities of married life, the dangers of financial irresponsibility, the wonder of parenthood or the blessing of intimacy? How will they know how to be married unless others show them how it’s done? The truth is, new couples depend on their married counterparts to take their vows seriously and share the graces of their marital sacrament with others. Here are four easy ways this can happen: 1. Talk to your single friends or family members about the importance of studying marriage. Yes, couples who are planning to marry should be students of marriage. Offer advice, but more importantly, be good role models of marriage for them. There are excellent books on marriage (and, they make great gifts!). 2. Encourage them to attend a marriage preparation seminar. Our diocese is blessed with three outstanding programs to choose from: Engagement Encounter, NOVA or Pre Cana. Their investment of time will pay off with knowledge and skills in relationship. 3. Volunteer your time on a marriage preparation team. Without the generosity of married couples to serve as team members, there would be no avenue for engaged couples to learn and grow. These programs, which take place at locations throughout the entire diocese, are of utmost importance to the future success of marriage. If this is of interest to you, call the Family Life Office at 814.824.1265 or 800.374.3723. 4. Do something to enrich your marriage—today and every day. There are 168 hours in every week; how many do you devote exclusively to strengthening your marriage or the marriage of others? Remember, married couples are called to be a sign and witness of God’s love. The invitation is always there…all you have to do is say ‘we will.’
Ann Badach is the Family Life director for Catholic Charities in the Diocese of Erie Please tell us what you thought of this feature. September is the time of year when life becomes less about suntans and more about schedules; when textbooks compete with Facebook and a night out means going to the library to cram for exams. Although I’m not an advocate of waiting until the last minute to study for finals, I admit I’ve done my fair share of procrastinating.
Returning to school also causes many of us to think about our future: whether it’s college, a career and/or our vocation. And, while it’s good to have dreams and goals, we must be careful not to give in to the temptation of having unrealistic expectations. Even though our obsessed-with-success culture may insist that we reach for the stars, sometimes we simply need to be reaching for the phone number of our math tutor. An example of this has occurred in my own home and may be going on in yours, too. Those of you in high school know what it’s like to have a mailbox overflowing with invitations to colleges, technical or trade schools. Do you receive regular notifications of pre-approval for numerous credit cards? Are car dealerships or cell phone companies insisting that you buy your first (or next) product from their business? While it may be flattering to receive so much attention, it can also be overwhelming. Young people are faced with more choices than ever today. Unfortunately, information overload can affect decision-making. Whether you’re choosing a college or choosing a life partner, if you’re feeling overwhelmed in your day-to-day world, you may be tempted to put off decisions, or to run in the opposite direction. Neither, of course leads to a place that satisfies or completes us. So, how can we prepare for the big decisions of life? The answer is simple: taking time for yourself. Time is necessary in order to become. So, if you’re wondering if you’re prepared (for high school, college, a serious relationship or for life), you might want to ask yourself what you’re doing to get ready. While proceeding down the information highway, remember to take some time to think things through. If you’re struggling with life’s questions, talk them over with someone you trust. Also, take time to be quiet, and to listen. Which direction do you think the Lord is calling you in each situation? Be a companion to the time that’s given to you. If you embrace it, you’ll be prepared; you won’t have to cram when those next big decisions come your way. Longing for Belonging
Have you ever listened to one of those syndicated radio stations where callers request a song for their family, friend or loved one? Sometimes the requests are a bit melodramatic, but others seem to touch us at the very core. I remember one call in particular that came from a young man who was apparently living away from home. It didn’t take much to figure out that he was estranged from his family and was feeling pretty lonely. Through music, he was trying to send a message that he couldn’t bring himself to share in person. “How sad,” I remember thinking. “If only he could find the courage to speak those things instead of relying on a radio station to do it for him.” Our world contains countless faceless people like this young man who want to be heard, yet don’t know how to speak for themselves. Our need to be heard and understood is universal and connected to our need to belong. It is safe to assume that the number one reason people seek professional counseling is to work out relationship issues. Whether we expect more than we get, or get too much of what we didn’t expect—being in relationship with another person is a need we all have, yet will challenge us throughout our lives. Regardless of our age or place in life, we must remember that we were created with one thing in mind: to belong. We belong to one another in human community, and we belong to God, created in God’s image. Recognizing this reality makes us vulnerable, for sure; but embracing it with an openness to discovering the goodness God has in store for us can be very exciting! If you’ve ever questioned your own sense of belonging in this world, check out the book of Genesis in Scripture. There is no doubt that you and I and everyone else out there in radioland is a part of God’s wonderful, ongoing story of creation. Ann Badach is the Family Life director for Catholic Charities in the Diocese of Erie Please tell us what you thought of this feature. What's their secret? Couples share wisdom for a long-lasting marriage While social scientists continue to debate the secret to marital longevity, we know that successful marriages can be found by looking no further than one’s own back yard. With the annual Diocesan Anniversary Celebrations less than one month away, we thought we’d showcase a few of our own married couples who are celebrating milestone anniversaries and ask them to share a few of their secrets to a lasting marriage.
Ann Badach is the Family Life director for Catholic Charities in the Diocese of Erie |
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